You're Not Alone

"No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God...and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation,  that we gain the education that we come here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven." -Orson F Whitney


I had marked nearly the entire chapter of Alma 32 in my scriptures, however, verse 6 was not marked. After this weekend it needs to be. In verse 6 it reads, "he beheld that their afflictions had truly humbled them, and that they were in a preparation to hear the word." Funny all my life I have thought that stake conference and general conference came at just the right time. It had never occurred to me that my life's experiences were preparing me to be humble as I listened to my Heavenly Father's words. I am so thankful that President Stoddard was directed to share this understanding with the stake at stake conference last night. I'm even more grateful the the Lord loves me enough to prepare me to learn. 


This leads me to my experience yesterday. The day started off well enough. I was looking forward to having a day to take care of my family after three days of service to a neighbor who was moving as well as a dear friend who was also moving. Cort woke up a little too early so when he was ornery at 10:30 in the morning I put him down for an early nap. Braxton enjoyed being outside and I enjoyed getting some gardening done. It was a nice quiet day for the most part. Cort had a 4 hour nap which made me so glad to see him when he woke up. I thought with that much sleep I'd have a happy baby. I thought wrong. 


Cort seemed happy at first. I got him up and got him some lunch. It was at the end of this late lunch when he was getting frustrated that I tried to get him to communicate what he needed. Apparently that made him mad so he decided to throw a fit. I took him back to bed. I was not going to tolerate a tantrum. After a few minutes I let him get back out and still I had a whiny and unhappy child. My tolerance level was becoming less and less tolerable! I put him back in his crib crying and found myself snapping and yelling at Braxton as if he had done something terribly wrong. At one point when he didn't hear me call him down the stairs I yelled his name in a way that would have even startled the dead awake. I barked some commands about cleaning up the things he got out downstairs and he quickly obeyed. 


At this point I realized how out of control I was and got down on my knees to ask my Heavenly Father for some help. I haven't personally seen Him perform anything that the world would call a miracle. Although, I do see Him perform miracles within my mind often. He will bring things to my recollection that only God could know about me. He first reminded me of a conversation my sister and I had about the importance of continuing to enjoy our hobbies. She encouraged me to keep up with my piano playing so I took my frustrations to the piano. I tried and tried to think of a good song to express my frustrations and nothing seemed to fit that feeling. Then to my mind came another type of song. One that had brought me comfort over and over in my struggles as a youth. The song, "You're Not Alone" by Michael McLean. 


When I was young I had felt a sting of loneliness as I longed for a boyfriend to show me the love that I so desired. Other times I had felt alone because of a break up or some other struggle that brings loneliness to a teen. It was amazing how those very same words brought comfort again with a new meaning. I'd like to share those words...


Here's a little song to help you get along. It will see you through when you're feeling blue, And though it's not profound, when you're feeling down, so down, Sing this little tune, and you'll feel better soon. You're not alone, even though right now you're on your own. You are loved in ways that can't be shown; your needs are known; You're not alone. And when you cry, you're just letting go of heartache deep inside. So tomorrow there'll be sunshine and sky and love close by; You're not alone. And I know that it's not easy, but I know that it won't last, 'Cause one that loves you more than me is sending blessings fast. You're not alone, say it one more time, "I'm not alone, "And even when it's hard to find the words, your prayers are heard; "You're not alone. You're not alone.


As I played and sang these words I realized that I did feel alone. My wonderful loving husband is working so hard to provide for my family which more often than not leaves me to do much of the nurturing of our children on my own. What a blessing to know, at just the right time, that while I may be on my own in this task I don't have to do it alone. My Heavenly Father has provided me the companionship of the Holy Ghost to help lead and guide me through the challenges of raising a family just the same way he lead and guide me through the challenges of being a teenager. As stated twice in stake conference, when we have the companionship of the Holy Ghost we are NEVER truly alone. The Holy Ghost knew exactly in what way I needed to be comforted and he lead me to that comfort. 


The song also reminded me that "I am loved in ways that can't be shown and my needs are known." I have often felt that because my love languages are primarily "quality time" and "words of affirmation" that when Kent isn't around to spend time with me that we are sunk. Kent is not a man of many words unlike his wife (as you can tell). :) It was so comforting to know that my Heavenly Father does love me and can give me that love at any time and also that he knows my needs. In fact I have been blessed to have my Father in Heaven help me to feel love from Kent at times when I have trouble feeling it myself. 


After I played this song and found my peace again I took a moment to apologize to Braxton and explain to him that I had made a mistake. I even shared with him how my Heavenly Father loved me and helped me to be better. I then walked upstairs to apologize to my young son. I don't know what he understands exactly, but his actions spoke volumes to me. I hugged him and said I was sorry and he nestled his little head right into my neck as if to say he too was sorry and glad that we could be friends again. 


When I concluded my night at the adult session of stake conference I knew that the Lord does indeed love me and that he is aware of my struggles and challenges. I also knew that he would be here for me in my times of need and that in that day he had prepared me to receive his words with a thankful heart. I pray that the next time I have the opportunity to hear the words of the Lord that I welcome the tribulations that will bring me to hear his words with a broken heart and a contrite spirit!