As a parent you are your child's first teacher. Lately I have been allowed a lot of teaching moments with Braxton. Most of these teaching moments have occurred as he has found a young neighbor girl his age to play with. Over the past few months I have heard things like, "Braxton, if you don't let me play in your room I'm gonna go home" and many variations off of that. At first I just listened and waited to see what Braxton would do. He had stress in his voice and would usually just comply. After listening to this go on a time or two I decided I was NOT okay with my son learning to be manipulated or bullied especially by a so called "friend."
After the friend went home I told Braxton to come talk to me. I discussed what I have observed and asked him what he thought he should do. He being a giving child told me he should do what she wanted. I quickly corrected that reply. Some may think, but she's the guest so he should do what she wants. I was raised that way too and I don't disagree, but I also don't agree with it being a manipulated demand made of the guest either. If I am going to teach my son to be kind and courteous of others I believe that it is also my duty to teach him to be assertive and stand up for his own rights. I told him that he needs to tell his friend, "if you want to go home that's okay, but I would like for you to stay." Then at that point if she stays they can work out how to play together. The first time after that conversation that I heard "if you don't...I'm going to go home" I waited to see what Braxton would do. When he didn't say anything I called him down and reminded him what he needed to say. Although he had to ask me to remind him what to say again.
His friend didn't know quite what to do with that. So I took the opportunity to teach her as well. I told her that what she had been saying was called manipulation and that good friends don't manipulate their friends to do things they don't want to and I know that she wants to be a good friend. I haven't seen a great improvement yet, but we'll see. I do believe in giving children the tools to teach their friends the proper way to interact. After hearing some of the things I have heard from this girl it would be easy to tell her that Braxton can't play with her anymore, but I don't believe that is the Christian way to do things. I believe that it is through lifting kids up and teaching them that we make this world better.
Now I can't choose the consequences for her actions, but I can tell you that if she chooses not to learn the lesson that she will most likely loose a friend because I will help Braxton realize that he does not need to put up with that kind of treatment. I want my son to grow up to have the strength and ability to stand up for himself and perhaps if he is able to stand up for himself then maybe he'll have the confidence to stand up for those around him as well. That is the best way I know to protect my son from bullying and give the bullies the opportunity to learn some better people skills as well. Because in the end we are all just people trying to learn good skills to get us through this life.
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