God has a way of teaching you the lessons you need to learn through life's experiences. I have been so blessed lately with God's help in learning something that I feel is so valuable. I only pray that I can truly learn His lesson and live my life accordingly. Many of my friends know that one of my shortcomings is that I struggle to not judge and be critical of the choices others make. I don't pretend that I am cured and will never be guilty of this again, but I have gained a testimony of the truthfulness of this doctrine that we should not judge.
This journey began when a very good friend of mine decided she needed a break from church. Because of my love and concern for her I felt the need to "save" her from her choices. I struggled with allowing her the free agency that God gives. It was as if I wanted to guilt her back to church or something. I did this because of my concern for the circumstances that would follow or the guilt I felt that came from me allowing her to leave. After noticing myself look down on her for missing church and then finding myself critical of many other small choices I realized something. I am no more innocent of sin while I judge her than she is guilty of the choices she is making. Besides that how in the world could she feel any kind of love from me? I had to figure out how to change myself and stop trying to change her mind. I had to find a way to let go of the idea that her choices where a reflection of me in some way. Because the reality is that when it comes to choosing God we can only choose Him for ourselves and no one else. We can't choose for friends, neighbors, family, or even our children. As the saying goes you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.
Another thing I realized was that when we judge we are in essence saying that we know better than God the path that someone should take. We believe that we are capable of saving souls and don't acknowledge that it is Christ only who is capable of saving souls! We are only instruments who can help Him but, we cannot save them. We also feel as though we are as worthy as Christ to take on that title of judge in Isreal. We also act as if we have walked in an others footsteps when we may have no idea where they have had to walk. The only other person who knows that is Christ. If we knew all we would be able to see that we are in no way worthy to take on those roles that only Christ can bear. Which is why we have been commanded not to judge one another.
The lesson in this education came when I heard of an account from years ago when I was a new mother to Braxton. I was told of a time when family had been critical of me as a mother for serving my son food that was not cut small enough. In my mind it is quite a minor thing, but still it was hurtful to hear that someone would be so critical of me in an area I feel quite confident in. I have worked with children for years and also have my degree in early childhood education. Why would someone be critical of something I thought I did so well. Interestingly enough the same person had also been critical of a meal Kent and I prepared for the family. A meal that had been thought about for a very long time trying to make it nice. I had put so much time into preparing it in order to hopefully make everyone happy and yet all my work had gone unappreciated by this person. Mainly because they felt the need to be critical of me.
I couldn't be angry though because as I said it had happened years ago. What I could do? I could learn from this that is what I could do. I could use this understanding and try to see those times in my own family when we became critical of someone or something we didn't understand and I could change. I could learn to give others the benefit of the doubt and begin to believe the quote I had heard that people are always doing the best they can. That is what I was choosing to do. I was going to take it as a lesson learned.
A few weeks later I was thinking I needed some inspired spiritual guidance and so I decided that I would randomly choose a conference talk to listen to while I folded laundry. It ended up being a talk from the Young Women's session of conference given by President Monson entitled, "May You Have Courage." The contents of the talk as stated in the synopsis were, "My earnest prayer is that you will have the courage required to refrain from judging others, the courage to be chaste and virtuous, and the courage to stand firm for truth and righteousness." As I listened to this talk tears streamed down my face. I realized that I had heard what I needed to hear and I had much need for change myself.
With all of these lessons fresh in my mind I was blessed to see why judging is so damaging. I had a conversation with a dear cousin of mine about the family. The comment she made that hit close to home was that it is hard to come to family functions when you know that after you leave the family will talk about you because of the poor choices your parents made. I may not have been the most guilty of this, but I was also not entirely innocent either. She even recounted a time when her brother who had made plenty of mistakes was shunned by everyone except my grandmother. How can an individual feel loved and supported and grow when they are being looked down on. No one can find the strength needed to rise above their situation when they are constantly reminded (especially by family) of their failures.
The final lesson came on Sunday when the speakers spoke on Faith, Hope, and Charity as moved upon by the spirit while praying at the temple. At first I didn't think much of the topic, but when the first speaker related charity to giving others support and giving the benefit of the doubt I knew her talk was written for me among others. Then the hymns were also testament that her message was the Lord's message that day. The lines, "No longer as strangers on earth need we roam," and "We'll love one another and never dissemble, But cease to do evil and ever be one" also taught not to judge as we sang Now Let Us Rejoice. Then the intermediate hymn was Let Us Oft Speak Kind Words which again reinforced that same message. It was no question to me what the Lord would have me learn to do better. I hope that I can be a better example of love and charity so that I will not pass along judgmental attitudes to my children and so I truly can be a disciple of Jesus Christ and share His love with my brothers and sisters!
1 comment:
I think I need some work in this area as well. I am getting better, but have a long way to go. I remember the other day while having a play group with a friend saying something about another sister in the ward and though it was not anything horrible, I still felt a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach after she left for even talking about that sister, because I love the sister I talked about and should have held my tongue. I think we would all be better off if we learned to only speak kindly of those around us and to not judge. Thanks for the reminder!
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