Finding the Sunlight Amidst the Storms

A few weeks back in Relief Society I was expressing my gratitude that the Lord has sent his angels to help us in the fight against Satan. I was thankful because I had been feeling the personal "fiery darts" Satan was throwing at me and I needed to know that the Lord was helping me in my fight. After expressing some of my struggles Sister Heaps suggested a book to me, called "Loving What Is." The following day I went to the library to check it out and there was already a long list of people who had it on hold. I added my name to the list and discovered that there was another book by the same author that was checked in. I checked it out and my thoughts have been changed ever since. The book is, "I Need Your Love - Is That True?" On the book cover it reads, "How to stop seeking love, approval, and appreciation and start finding them instead." Both books (as I stated) are by Byron Katie.

I would like to quote from her book, "When you're constantly trying to be likeable, you leave no gaps in your life in which you can just breathe and notice what you already have, no chance to experience the unlimited options that those gaps are filled with. Even after you've attracted admirers and supporters, you're still busy seeking results. You have to make sure that your friend do all the things friends are supposed to do -- invite you to parties, send work your way, console you when you feel depressed. And it's never enough. You're constantly on the lookout for any evidence that you're not approved of or adored."

There is so much more that I could share, but this seems to kind of sum up what I have read so far. As we are trying to impress one another and trying to convince each other that we are likable and worthy of approval and appreciation we miss that we are liked, loved, appreciated, and approved of, and why? Do we really need every one's approval? Where would we be if we didn't worry about those things? I would be less stressed and more able to focus on whatever it is that I want to accomplish for myself. I have been stuck in this trap with Kent. I have stressed him out with outrageous expectations and even after all he has tried to do to meet those expectations he still falls short and I am still unhappy.

What a relief it has been to allow him to breathe and to see how much he does love me without setting any expectations as to how he needs to show me that love. In fact I found the song "Something That We Do" by Clink Black among my sheet music the other day and in light of my new understanding I really liked the words of this song. My favorite line is "We help to make each other all that we can be, though we can find our strength and inspiration independently." I realized that I have been trying to make Kent like me. I have wanted him to have the same strengths and to be inspired the way that I am. I married him for HIS strengths and I can still find inspiration my own way while allowing him to find his own inspiration.

I think the most interesting thing about this book is that as I read the advice I realize that I have seen examples of this way of thinking. There are a few people that come to mind, but there is one woman in particular who could be the "poster child" of this book. Her name is Lynley. She was in the stake young women's presidency while I was ward camp director. She was always listening and showing love to the girls and the leaders. There was never any feeling that she was worried about how others were perceiving her. She was just concerned about who you were, what your story was and what you needed. I noticed that everyone was drawn to her. In fact she was invited to teach a lesson in our ward's relief society and anyone who knew her was bending over backward to hear her lesson. As I have read and thought of her I realized that what I was reading was exactly true. If we will let go of ourselves and focus on others they will naturally be drawn to us and we will be able to feel of their love. It is my hope that I can allow these thoughts to change me into who I feel I can be. I would love to be someone who is focused on the love that surrounds me!