I have had a desire to keep my written life's memories positive, but as I was talking to my sister-in-law yesterday I realized that it is also important to keep it real. If you take it too far on the side of upbeat you may be missing what was really happening, and how can you see the light at the end of the tunnel when you refuse to acknowledge that the tunnel is dark. I write this blog not because Kent and I are in a dark tunnel, but I feel members of Kent's family are headed into a dark tunnel that has to be gone through.
Kent comes from a family of hard work, little emotion, and if you can ignore it and pretend it isn't there it will go away. I have really struggled with this last part. When Kent and I were first married I was complaining about his family and Kent retaliated accusing me of not trying to be a part of them. I told Kent that it was not that I didn't want to be a part, but I didn't know how. I longed to be close to my mother-in-law and be friends, but despite all that I had tried there was a wall that I could not penetrate. In the end Kent and I concluded that we both wanted to be close to his family the way that my family was close but since that wouldn't happen we had to just do our best to accept them the way they were.
As time has gone by I have challenged myself to see the good qualities and I have. I have grown to love some of my mother-in-laws really wonderful qualities. I have heard things that she has done and done my best to dismiss them. This weekend, my mother-in-law hurt one of her children more than was tolerable a I cannot dismiss it. A child was baptised this weekend and cried on her baptism day because her grandmother who lives only three hours away was not there. The reason you ask? A little snow (snow that wouldn't stop her from going to any other grandchild's event) and her favorite grandchildren were at her house. They had come down for the baptism and felt nervous about the snow (understandable with small children who are horrible travellers). Did grandma and grandpa leave them and say they needed to be there for their sweet little grandchild? No! Instead they copped out and stayed when a week earlier grandma had complained to the mother of the baptised child that the time (6:30 pm) was inconvenient for all.
What of the dark tunnel? This family has been the second rate citizens too long. Too often they have forgiven and trusted only to be hurt again and again. When your children LOVE their grandparents and grandma plays favorites but the favorites are not yours the children end up being hurt. This family has had enough and are going to take a long break from grandma and grandpa, but before that a letter will be send to let the communication be clear as to why the long break. The sad thing is that I have tried to rationalize my mother-in-laws actions and make up excuses for my her, but the reality is that my child is already becoming a second rate citizen. He doesn't know any different, and I want so bad to pretend that it is just Kent exagerating and being overly sensitive, but I think he is right.
In the end I am still an opitmist and I believe that in the end things will work out for everyone's good. I believe that my mother-in-law will really hurt and ache for her child's family and there may be some who don't understand and do not agree with the way they handled it. I for one think that they are doing their best to protect their family from many hurts and I hope that in the end it will break down that wall that cannot be penetrated. Until then I will miss that family. My heart will ache for them everytime the family gets together. We will have to drive much farther as will they to see each other. Ultimately it will take a lot of time and much of the Lord's healing power to fix this family. I pray for the Lord to soften the hearts that need to soften so that this family can be a healthy, feeling family as he would have it be. I pray that the Lord will guide and direct this family down this long and dark tunnel so that we can all make it to the light at the end.
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