We spent Christmas eve carolling with our friends Carrie and Taylor, and that brought me quite a bit of Christmas spirit, but come Christmas morn it was gone. After about an hour of folding clothes I was putting them away and it woke up Braxton so we went in and got Kent up. We came out and had Braxton open up presents which was funny considering he was happy to play with his old toys and not unwrap any new. Finally we got him to open some up and then Kent and I unwrapped each others presents. Kent got me this painting for my wall. I got Kent a golf package/certificate and some golf balls. We both enjoyed the gifts, but it just seemed so minimal compared to what we would have liked to have given each other.
I know that Christmas isn't about the presents, but I suppose that in growing up I have learned that it's the little presents and all the other little things that make Christmas seem so special and truly this year it just seemed like a dull and boring day. We weren't surrounded by friends and family. We didn't have fun new things to entertain us and we hadn't really shared with anyone our true gifts of giving. So all of these things combined and the discouragement (mostly the discouragement) of not being surrounded by friends and family left me in tears most of the day.
As I have had a little more sleep which allows for a little more perspective I have made a decision. When I go to my midwife this next month I am going to discuss with her some natural options to treat mild depression because I really believe that is where most of the problem lies. As I said earlier it runs in my family and my patriarchal blessing warns me against that. We live in a day and an age where we have knowledge about these things and ways to treat depression so I feel that I need to take care of the problem and get back to functioning normally again.
In retrospective Kent and I have learned a few lessons. We have learned that Christmas is a time of giving for us and it is difficult for us to not be able to give freely. We hope to manage our money better this year so that when Christmas does come we will either be able to travel and spend it with family or share some gifts with others and each other that help us to feel the Christmas spirit. Also I have learned that I need to be 100% on top of paying tithing at ALL times. That is actually where we got into trouble this year and I know that I needed to sacrifice to give the Lord what I owe him, but I would rather give it to him in faith at the time and not be scrambling to pay at the end of the year.
Another lesson I learned is from my sister-in-law. Her family took the money they would have spent on each other this year and gave it to a family in need and the story of their charity has inspired me. I think part of my problem is that I have made sure to get gifts for the other members of the family first and then for my family last and I honestly think I would have felt much better about the sacrifice if I knew that it was going to people who had nothing instead of people who had plenty and didn't need my meager offering. I love my family, but I think we are all doing well enough that none of us needed that little bit we gave each other. In fact in the last few minutes I have just learned of a family who will need much more than my family does.
My good friend and visiting teacher has been on bed rest off and on for a few months now. I just learned that in the last few days she has delivered a one-pound baby at 24 weeks gestation. My prayers and concerns are with her and her family. I understand there is a 50% chance this child will live and being in that situation must be the scariest thing in the world. Those of you reading this please keep the Davis family in your prayers!!!
Overall my holiday was fine, but like I said I feel that the most important thing I would change is meaningful time spent with family and friends. Something of which is difficult when you are working opposite your husband in hopes to be able to pay the bills and still have a good Christmas. It makes me wonder if that little bit of income is really worth the time away from my family, but on the other hand I know that it gives Kent peace of mind knowing that there is just a little more coming in each month. I hope that as you read this you don't think I am seeking pity because I am not. I know that there are those who have less than I do, but I don't want to forget the important lessons that this particular Christmas has taught me. I hope that you all are well and blessed with all kinds of good fortune in this year to come!
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