The high price of venison!

My friend Kari a while back was blogging about being a halo (a video game) widow when the new halo game came out, and now it's my turn to discuss my life as a deer hunt widow. For the last three days I have been stressed out with trying to take care of getting things done and make sure that my babysitters would not fall through so that I could go to work and Kent could go shoot a dumb deer (they're actually quite smart so if he shoots one that means that one was dumb). I hate it. I think this is the worst price anyone pays for a bunch of meat that mostly sits in my in-laws freezer (they are kind enough to store it for us I guess).

Anyway so this is the price of meat. I want to say that the hunting license cost at least 60-80 dollars. Then there is probably $120 in gas down to Meadow and back. Not to mention the loss in wages due to making no overtime since using vacation time. Then there is the cost of ammunition, ugly orange clothes that you will not wear again any other time of year, and snacks to take with you while you wait on a rock for a bunch of deer to not show up (because like I said... they are smart).

That, however, is the minimal cost. The cost that hurts the most is the lost time. How often do these same hunters take one day off work to spend with their families let alone almost a week. There are so many things that I would love to do with Kent and Braxton, but it seems that there just isn't time. After work and dinner it's time for bed. I want Kent to see the joy in Braxton's face as he walks through a pile of leaves. I would love to watch as Kent takes Braxton to a pumpkin patch to pick out a pumpkin. I would love to take the day (a warm one) and go on a picnic with my two boys, or go with Kent to lunch at McDonald's and watch as Braxton gets all excited about the play area. Is there a week of work that can be taken off for that? Nope because we need the money.

The thing that is the hardest for me to deal with is the reason's I see behind Kent going hunting. I don't see Kent having a deep attachment to hunting. Kent loves horses, scouting, digging holes with a track hole, etc. Kent does not love hunting. Point in case. A few years ago Kent didn't go hunting and when I asked him if he was sad he responded, "not really." The year before that Kent was working down by his parents house during the hunt. One night he called me very upset because he had called his dad after work so he could go hunt with him. His dad said he was too far away with Kent's brother so Kent should just go hunt this one area close in. Bingo! Hunting isn't about hunting it's about quality time with his dad. See Kent's dad LOVES hunting. That is his thing and if anyone wants to really spend time with Kent's dad you either work with him or hunt. Don't invite him to come to your house and do something because your chances of getting him are slim to none, but if you hunt in his area you are sure to have some male bonding.

Now don't get me wrong. I think it is important for Kent to have time with his father, but what about Braxton having time with his? Even still let's be honest about the issue. What about quality time with me? Remember me, your wife? What was my love language? Oh that's right it is quality time, and how am I supposed to deal with the fact that I haven't had any of my love lately. I know, how about a great conversation on the phone with the man that I love. That would solve my love language problem. Oh, wait, that's right Kent gets bored on the phone and besides that when in all of his hunting would he have time for a deep and intellectual conversation. Not that I can expect a deep and intellectual conversation on the phone when it seems a stretch to try and get one out of him in person.

OK I apologize to those of you who didn't come here planning to hear me ream my husband, but I really am having a very difficult time with this. I think mostly because my needs haven't been met, and I can't fix that because in order to fix that I have to tell Kent that he can't spend quality time with his dad. That's not fair to him. He obviously feels a need for that, but why do I have to feel empty and alone in this whole process, and why does it have to last six whole days? I feel like I can't communicate these feelings or else I'll guilt him into not going again, and that is not my purpose. I'm trying no to be selfish, but I find it really hard to be unselfish when my love tank (how loved I am feeling) is on empty. To compound all of these issues I wasn't able to be spiritually uplifted at church today because I was at work. Anyway I think I will end this with a few positives to keep my chin up.

I am very thankful that I have Braxton here with me. I really enjoy his love and laughter. I am very thankful to all my babysitters who pulled through for me. I am glad that Braxton did so well with each one. I am especially grateful that my brother Brian happened to invite me over for pie tonight without knowing Kent was gone. It made my day. I am very pleased with the delight Braxton and I had making cookies together today. It was his first time helping and he really got a kick out of pouring things in the bowl and doing big people work. I enjoyed a wonderful relaxing bath today just after Braxton when down for a nap. I am grateful I can always ask my Heavenly Father to fill my love tank when it's empty. I can always rely on Him when I need him. He's never off hunting deer. He only hunts for His children's souls, and the price never outweighs the blessings!
On Friday I told Braxton his knees were dirty and he blurted the word dirty back to me. That was his first real audible word. Then tonight when I said his dad was on the phone he very clearly said dad. Also Friday and tonight I think I heard him trying to say doggie and gruff gruff (his own barking noise). That is the reason for the picture of a dog who followed us home from a walk about this time last year. He hung out on our front porch as if he were our dog for quite a while. It was very funny!