The end of a LONG journey.

It's 9:05 PM & I am as close to going to bed as I ever am at this time of night. I don't do early bedtime. As I lay in bed I feel the need to get my thoughts down. This has been a hard pregnancy for me. I have a week until my due date & yet I feel like I am done. I feel like I can't wait any longer. I am tired of feeling limited & tired & stretched to my max with little effort. I'm not writing this to whine or complain. I just want to have a record of these things. 

I want that record for two reasons. First because it's quite likely I may never go through pregnancy again and I think these thoughts & feelings may be valuable to myself or someone else later on. The second reason is because while these feelings are due to pregnancy which does have an end in sight I realized recently that there are those who deal with chronic pains and/or mental illness who may have similar feelings with no hope for light at the end of their tunnel. I want to remember these feelings as I relate to those suffering in the years to come. 

I want so much to allow my body the time to go into labor on it's own. I didn't have that option with my first & I didnt choose that option with my second. I do, however, think if I had given my body that option last time it might have gone on it's own. Because of that I want to give my body the opportunity to go into labor on it's own this time.

The struggle I am having tonight is that yesterday I had a dream that I had the baby & then last night I did have some light contractions that led me to believe that maybe my body was getting ready to go into labor all on it's own. I was actually excited about going in to labor last night or today, but I haven't had the slightest inkling that my body is doing anything except being tired, achy, drained & sore today. It's really discouraged me. 

I know there's only one way for this baby to go & that's out. I know it's going to happen soon, but for right now I can in some capacity relate to those who feel emotionally exhausted, mentally challenged & physically spent. I understand that feeling of not knowing if you can do this for one more day, or one more hour, or even one more minute. 

I want so much for it to be time for my body to perform its miracle. I am finally to the point that I am more bothered by the discomfort of carrying this baby than I am worried about the pain I know is coming in order to bring this baby into the world. I don't want to be this uncomfortable any longer. In the meantime I'll keep praying for my body to do what I know it can do & hope that it all works out in getting my children taken care of in the mean time. Please keep us in your prayers...Thanks!!!