Writing Our Songs

“Life, he realize, was much like a song. In the beginning there is mystery, in the end there is confirmation, but it's in the middle where all the emotion resides to make the whole thing worthwhile.” -Nicholas Sparks, The Last Song. Right before the orchestra performed the symphony by Rachmaninoff last night the conductor took a minute to speak to the audience about their performances.

First of all he told us that they always say a prayer before they preform. He also shared that their goal as they share this music is to uplift the audience and allow them to feel the love of our Heavenly Father through music. During that music I did feel the love of my Heavenly Father. Because of this I realized that our Father sent us here to help others feel of His love. No matter what your journey in life. Whether you are a doctor, a teacher, an office assistant, a minister or construction worker, a daughter, a son, a mother, a father, brother, aunt or grandparent your greatest work on this earth is to share the love of God with our fellow brothers and sisters. If we allow our "other" work to get in the way of this then we are not living up to our potential. I heard a woman years ago in church say words that ring true to me today. She said that "this life is about love and it always has been!"

As this beautiful moving symphony played I read the biography of Sergei Rachmaninoff and as I read tears came to my eyes. "Rachmaninoff wrote two of his three symphonies before leaving Russia. The first, a youthful work from 1895, was dynamic and energetic but failed dismally with the audience and critics at its premiere. This was a demoralizing blow for Rachmaninoff, whose confidence as a composer remained fragile throughout his career. Although his Piano Concerto no.2 from 1901 was a stunning success, he still felt anxious about attempting another major orchestral piece."

 

Beautiful music filled the Mormon Tabernacle and yet the composer had his own anxiety and insecurities in his time. I can only imagine had he been courageous enough to compose more. How many more beautiful symphonies could he have written. What does that mean about me and my potential. How many times have I allowed anxiety, discouragement and insecurity keep me from amazing opportunities. Yet isn't that part of life?

Just as the symphony has it's moments of darkness and discord as well as light and harmony so does my life. If music was always "happy" and "joyful" it would be boring. It is through those difficult  times and times of growth the musical resolution creates beauty. How beautiful to know that I don't have to feel bad about a glum day. I don't have to turn my souls song into the blues, but it's okay to have problems to solve and solutions to find. Every day I write my symphony. Some days the sound is bright and has much fanfare and other days the music is forlorn and dissonant. Even in these days of dissonance there is hope that my song will end on a beautiful note of resolution. As Plato said, "“Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination and life to everything.” I will soar through all the notes of life that make up my song. A beautiful song that we all wright each and every day. Thank you for living your song with me. It is beautiful!


Images courtesy of:
http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=Sergei+Rachmaninoff&FORM=HDRSC2#view=detail&id=3FAD57BF61BED26B251599F42FF7BF21F9A87DEB&selectedIndex=0
http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=orechestra+at+temple+square&FORM=HDRSC2#view=detail&id=971B9D88154EECDD81D17122673DA121FE07CC64&selectedIndex=4
http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=orechestra+at+temple+square&FORM=HDRSC2#view=detail&id=A667B94BA2D1E801EF1D260824A39220E8C30E70&selectedIndex=25

The Most Beautiful Yodeling Orchestra Ever!

It's been the most amazing day & I feel that I would only be ungrateful if I didn't write down the joys, impressions, events & feelings of the day ending with the most poignant part of my day. This morning I took the boys to Wheeler Farm. After many weeks of some amazing results with my Discovery Toys business I have found myself busy with work, but thirsting for some pure connection time with others. It was wonderful to talk with other moms and feel like I connected in a way I hadn't in a while. As I was headed home I felt the desire to stop by and visit with my good friend (& walking partner from 3 years ago), Melanie. It was SO nice to spend time with friends & my kids.

I did have to squeeze a little work in today, but after the nice break I was happy to get back to work. As I was walking out to my car to load my products I overheard a woman talking to some men at the desk out in the foyer. It sounded as though she had loaned her sunglasses to a woman at the desk because the sun was coming in through the windows very brightly. As she was ready to jump in her car and head home she came to collect her sunglasses only to find no one at the desk and no sunglasses. She told the men she had a 3 hour drive home and needed them. She was not able to find her sunglasses and headed out to her car as I was loading mine. I asked her if it was sunglasses she was needing and she proceeded to share her story again with me. Again I asked her if she wanted sunglasses and explained that I had some she could have. She offered to pay me but I had plenty as Kent recycles his old work sunglasses to me. When I told her I needed no payment she was very gracious and thankful. It felt good to be the relief for this lovely woman today.

The most poignant part of my day was when Kent and I finally got to the performance of the Orchestra on Temple Square. My friend Rebecca had called asking if she could order tickets in my name and have Kent and I go with her & her family. The funny part was when she told me it was "An Austrian Cello Concerto and a Russian Symphony I think all I heard was Austrian & Concert and it processed in my mind as Yodeling. When I told Kent what we were doing he processed it in his head as Opera so I've been joking all week that we were going to the Yodeling Opera. lol

First of all I want to say that I am SO thankful to be married to a man who enjoys things like symphonies, plays & the ballet. We may not go to them much but every now and then I like to go to them. I am thankful to my sister-in-law Darcy for exposing him to culture. I am amazed at how much I forgot I could be moved by beautiful music.

The Austrian Cello Concerto was nice. I enjoyed it, but it was no where near as superb as the symphony. I will share more about what I learned tomorrow. What a lovely & beautiful day! Below is a link to the symphony we enjoyed!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YpzLR9mMCsI

Why don't you love me?

You would think with me getting my largest amount in party sales this week that I would be on cloud 9. It's not that I am not grateful and ecstatic about the party total but even with getting a hostess over $150 in free products & 4 half price toys I had the clouds of gloom hanging over me today. For those of you who may not know I struggle with seasonal depression. This year it feels like it has set in hard and fast. Because of the gloomy rain cloud over my head my mind went to that awful place called negative self talk. I hate it there. Everyone hates me and truthfully I hate them there too.

While in negative self talk I decided that my kids never listen to me and they don't even care to help me. All they want to do is destroy my house. I also decided that my husband doesn't care about me either. He's never home and when he does take a day off it's to go hunting. Now I did remind myself that he needs a break and that his break is also going to provide us meat. However, I still had that lonely unloved feeling that took over. I had a REALLY good cry about all this mind you. Not that it really helped. Just gave me blotchy skin and a headache. I lamented the fact that we never spend time together as a family. I never get the time I need to exercise and I never get my own me time. It feels like my whole life is taking care of everyone else and it's just not fair! When is someone going to take care of me. Of course then I rudely interrupted myself with asking, 'well doesn't Kent spend most of his time at work so he can provide for his family? Does he really not care?' I pushed that thought aside because all I wanted to focus on was my very raw pain. Plus this thought made me question my thoughts and didn't fit in to my pity party thoughts.

Eventually Kent came home and we talked and he did help me to feel a little better as he often does. But now he's gone to bed & I still had things I had to finish up so then it was back to my personal pity party. Thankfully however I started to allow myself to question my thoughts. What if I am looking at Kent thinking 'why don't you love me' but what is really going on in my heart and soul is that I am asking myself 'why don't you love me?' 

What I am really saying is, 'Marlies, why don't you love me enough to take care of me. Why don't you love me enough to make exercise and health a priority. You can feel the weight of stress and depression slipping into your mind and body and yet you excuse yourself with the 'I don't have time' statement. You notice your health slipping away in so many ways and you KNOW what you need is exercise, but keep saying maybe tomorrow or next week.' Marlies please love me again. I am worth taking the time to care for. I am worth the time to exercise, eat right, get enough sleep (ok you can start on that one tomorrow), read, fill your spirit with spiritual nourishment & take the time to feel beautiful on the inside and outside. Marlies it's time to love you!

Maybe now after filling my love tank I will stop believing that no one else loves me. Maybe when I start to think that my kids don't listen to me and don't care to help me that I realize it either means that I don't care to listen to myself or help myself or it means that I don't care to listen to or help my kids. Either way feeling sorry for myself is not going to fix this problem. It's time to pull up my boot straps and prove to myself that I love me and that makes me loveable to everyone else who wants to take the time to love me. Because guess what Marlies...I do love you!