I love people. Perhaps it is a character flaw of mine, but I have always felt empowered by my ability to get along with so many different kinds of people. Over the past 6 weeks or so I have thought about my ability to get along with so many people & recalled their kind words about me. Words like kind, sweet, loving, giving, & caring come to mind. I have never really thought this to be my weakness, but perhaps right now they are a bit of a weakness.
The first week in June I had a thought about asking someone to host a Discovery Toys party for me because they are expecting a new baby this fall. Due to the fact that I have fallen in love with the baby line I thought this would be a great opportunity for her since I couldn't imagine that she would be in a position to purchase luxuries like toys for a new child. In my attempt to share the gifts with this woman it appears that I not only bothered the wrong person with my business, but I stirred up emotional toxins that are so strong they will not go away. I tried everything within me to discuss the issues with this woman & solve the problem, but my phone calls, emails & I'm sure any other contacts I might have attempted were all ignored. When I was finally given the opportunity to confront her not only did she accuse me of causing the problem she passed the problem on to another woman to deal with me. Which has not only stopped us from being able to come to a solution for this problem, but allowed the problem to grow & expand & include another individual.
The advice I was given from the other individual was to leave it alone. Just let it go. The funny thing is that I had tried to address the issue from the start so that it could be swiftly dealt with, miscommunication cleared up & placed behind us both. Now I don't know where to go. I honestly do want to let the issues go & I sincerely believe with time these wounds will eventually be healed, but due to the manner in which they have been handled there will most definitely be scarring. I have prayed & prayed for my Father in Heaven to help me let go, & I wonder if he's tried to help me & I am the one who will not let it go. I don't know which it is. What I do know is that I am quite often not at peace because of the issue. I feel betrayed, hurt, at odds & I don't know what my next move should be. My husband tells me he wants nothing to do with them which would be fine with me if it weren't for the fact that they are indeed family members.
How can this kind of thing happen in a family? How can family be so mistrusting, so dishonest & cold & judgmental? I have always thought that families were here to love & support one another & sadly this particular family member blatantly lied to my face multiple times. She told me of how she & her husband supported us and how happy they were for us to have success in our lives. Yet come to find out time after time she is not honest enough to tell me that she doesn't have any desire to throw a Discovery Toys party for me. Why? Does she think my feelings will be hurt? I don't care. We're talking about a consultant who previous to being a consultant wasn't even allowed to have parties because they caused so much discouragement for me. I am forced to reflect back & ask what else she has lied about. Is there any true depth or substance to the perceived relationship I thought we once had?
I have questioned whether or not to write about this issue because it has caused me such negative feelings, but I feel it is necessary to write these feelings down. Perhaps by writing them it will help me to move on, or maybe by writing them it will help someone else to not feel alone when they are confronted with a similar situation. Maybe I have a need deep down to be validated since no one in the situation ever validated my efforts when walking away & throwing a grow-up fit would have been SO much easier. If nothing else perhaps I need to leave these words so that no matter what happens with this issue & these family members my children know that I am trying to set the best example I can of working problems out instead of allowing a wedge to be created. Life is TOO short to allow problems to continue in families. I guess at this point I have done all that I can. I really do have to just give this problem to the Lord & ask him to take care of this burden for me. Although if you are reading this and you feel so inclined will you please pray for me & my family that we'll be able to have the peace in our home & our minds that we desire? Thank you!
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