There is one thing that needs to be documented for my own purposes. Today was the due date of my second pregnancy. We lost this little soul at 9 week old and didn't know until about 12 weeks. We had to do a D and C because there were no signs of my body passing the fetus. At times I have questioned God as to why he gave me a child if only to take it away, but I think nine months later I have at least one answer. This little angel was sent to save the life of her mom and dad.
I'll be honest. About this time last year Kent and I had hit one of those "bad times" they speak of in marriage. We weren't completely unhappy or in danger of divorce or anything like that but our marriage was lacking the life and love that we had once felt. I was feeling like it was really struggling and needed some life breathed into it. The Lord knew that and He also knew how to rekindle our hearts. We were growing closer again as spring arrived, but I wouldn't say that we had become deeply in love again. That began to change as we had that joy of knowing we had created a life together.
We were a little leary of having another child because it was such an adjustment when we had Braxton, but the more we felt our child was to be a daughter the more we got excited. Sadly I didn't know how excited and how much I wanted her until the day I would find out that I had lost her. I'll most likely never forget that long drive to get the ultra sound when I pleaded with the Lord to let me keep my child. I really did want that baby.
I won't go into the details because at this point I don't see them being as important as the result. After about two weeks of sorrow, grief, and then recovery for both of us I learned to turn to the Lord and Kent for support. Kent was my rock and my hero. It wasn't until I started to feel I was overcoming my grief that Kent showed his feeling of grief. He had put aside his greiving and stayed by my side to be my strength. Now 6 months later I feel a connection to Kent that brings tears to my eyes when I think of it. I feel so blessed to have such a wonderful husband and I am so thankful for that child who touched our lives briefly and helped me to fall more in love with her father. I for one believe that there was a soul attached to that body and I feel very connected to her. I don't know how things will work out in the hereafter, but I am thankful that I was allowed to see with clear eyes the wonderful man who I can call my best friend! Thank you baby! Happy due date.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Sunday, January 24, 2010
WEEKLY ACCOMPLISHMENTS
Jan. 11th through Jan. 17th
*7 Services Weekly (record in gratitude journal)
*7 gratitudes weekly (record in gratitude journal)
*Spend 15 Minutes 5 times a Week Outdoors
...4 out of 5 this week.
*Follow a Schedule 5 times a Week
...5 out of 5 this week.
*95% daily prayer (6+ days a week)
...6 days!
*95% daily scripture study (6+ days a week)
...6 days!
*Track finances 7 times a week.
...two out of 7...still needs some work.
*7 Services Weekly (record in gratitude journal)
*7 gratitudes weekly (record in gratitude journal)
*Spend 15 Minutes 5 times a Week Outdoors
...4 out of 5 this week.
*Follow a Schedule 5 times a Week
...5 out of 5 this week.
*95% daily prayer (6+ days a week)
...6 days!
*95% daily scripture study (6+ days a week)
...6 days!
*Track finances 7 times a week.
...two out of 7...still needs some work.
Beauty All Around
I feel like today I need to post about an experience that I thought I had posted about last year, but I can't seem to find now. Last year about this time of year I was feeling very bogged down by the wickedness of this world and the choices I was seeing others make. It made me very sad to watch others destroy their lives. One particular day I was headed to my friend Tia's house and saw a billboard on the roadside showing all the beautiful spring flowers on temple square that simply stated, "There is beauty all around."
The spirit stated to me that there indeed was beauty all around and it was not only in the landscape, but there were also beautiful people make good choices. He reminded me that I needed to focus on the beauty around me and stop looking for the storms in world around me and I would see how truly beautiful the world was. It is true and I am thankful for that small and simple lesson.
As I look for the beauty around me I find that people really are good and that there are many beautiful souls upon the earth who are of good hearts. There will always be sin and sorrow, but if we look to Jesus Christ he will be the light that our souls need in a dark and dreary world. I am thankful for the light the son brings into my life. The Lord truly is my light!
The spirit stated to me that there indeed was beauty all around and it was not only in the landscape, but there were also beautiful people make good choices. He reminded me that I needed to focus on the beauty around me and stop looking for the storms in world around me and I would see how truly beautiful the world was. It is true and I am thankful for that small and simple lesson.
As I look for the beauty around me I find that people really are good and that there are many beautiful souls upon the earth who are of good hearts. There will always be sin and sorrow, but if we look to Jesus Christ he will be the light that our souls need in a dark and dreary world. I am thankful for the light the son brings into my life. The Lord truly is my light!
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Goal tracking: Weekly accomplishments
Jan. 4th through Jan. 10th
*7 Services Weekly (record in gratitude journal)
*7 gratitudes weekly (record in gratitude journal)
*Spend 15 Minutes 5 times a Week Outdoors
...Got 100% on this one!
*Follow a Schedule 5 times a Week
...We did fairly well with this. I think it was 4 days this week.
*95% daily prayer (6+ days a week)
...I think this was 5 of 7 days
*95% daily scripture study (6+ days a week)
...I think I hit 6 of 7 days.
*Track finances 7 times a week.
...I got things in order to do this, but it still needs work to become a daily habit.
*7 Services Weekly (record in gratitude journal)
*7 gratitudes weekly (record in gratitude journal)
*Spend 15 Minutes 5 times a Week Outdoors
...Got 100% on this one!
*Follow a Schedule 5 times a Week
...We did fairly well with this. I think it was 4 days this week.
*95% daily prayer (6+ days a week)
...I think this was 5 of 7 days
*95% daily scripture study (6+ days a week)
...I think I hit 6 of 7 days.
*Track finances 7 times a week.
...I got things in order to do this, but it still needs work to become a daily habit.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Life with a 3.5-year-old
Life with a three and a half-year-old has been a lot of fun lately. His vocabulary is growing in leaps and bounds these days. He has done two weeks of a speech class to help out with his speech delay and he loves it. While I think the class is helping a lot he really has just started to get it when it comes to word pronunciation as well as his conceptual understanding.
One of my favorite things that started a month or so ago when I make a phone call as soon as I get off the phone Braxton will say, "What say mom?" I'll tell him a quick version of the conversation and he just laughs as if to indicate that I am SO funny. I have been waiting for him to do start the "why" stage. He is constantly asking me why to everything I saw and do now. Sometimes it is funny, but often it is in protest to what I want him to do. Since this summer he's been saying the most heartfelt, "Whoo whoo." That one makes me so proud because I know he learned that from me since Kent isn't much for cheerleading. The catch phrase of his that I enjoy is when he says, "I wanna need..." He says this one when I ask him what he needs. Somehow he hasn't figured out how to drop the want to before he says he needs something. I think sometimes we as adults "wanna need" stuff too.
Braxton has gained a new love for tractors. In September Kent was down at his parents house and he and Braxton went out to help Uncle Travis haul some hay out of the field. Braxton jumped up on the tractor with Travis and enjoyed helping him drive. Ever since then Braxton has been in love with tractors. In fact one day he was playing with his tractor and he told a little story as he played. He said, "tractor, (bunch of words I didn't understand) and get the hay (then turned the tractors around) and the horses..." I hadn't been paying attention, but Kent realized that he was telling what they had done with Travis. Got the hay with the tractor and went to feed the horses. He even tells me that when Kent goes to work he rides the horses and gets hay for them. I hope if he ever find out what Kent really does that he isn't disappointed. ha ha ha. He's quite a cleaver kid. The other day I found him using the gathered edging on the towel as a track for the tractors. I would have never thought that those looked like tractor tracks if he hadn't figured that out.
Braxton is quite entertaining to watch movie with. He is very reactive to them. When we saw the movie "Up" he screamed at the bird who squawked at the characters. He yells at the bad guys and cheers when the hero wins. In fact sometimes he'll jump up and down on the couch with joy. Currently one of his favorite movies is Peter Pan, or as he calls it, "Pan." Whenever he sees Tinker Bell at the store he has to point her out to me. He seems to really enjoy the ladies. When the Prince dances with Cinderella Braxton becomes entranced. In fact one thing that makes me laugh is when he sees a doll or character in a dress he tells me, "mom, she dance." If it's not dancing he tells me they are going to church. He loves church and one of the reasons he loves church is he gets to see his best friend Baylee. He adores her. In fact the only way to get him to transition from the nursery to Primary today was to remind him that Baylee was there in Primary today too.
For those of you who are worried that I am raising a boy who thinks a little too much of romance I'd like to set your mind at ease. He makes sure that Kent and I don't have too much romance any chance he gets. If Kent and I hug or kiss in front of him he runs over to me, pushes me away, and states "No mommy, he's my dad." He thinks the world of his dad. When we told him before Christmas that if he wanted a cars toy he needed to ask Santa he said, "He no come to my house. My Kent get it." Apparently his daddy makes the world go round, and he couldn't choose a better role model.
The last two things I'd like to share about my funny 3 and a half-year-old is his new found love of fishing and "sleeping." Lately he is really into talking about "sissin" when he sees fish. When it comes to sleeping you should know that he hasn't had a regular nap schedule since he was about two years old. This is not because I stopped wanting him to have a nap. It is just because I gave up fighting him on it. That is why this next part is so funny. I watch two babies in the afternoon and one day I pulled out the playpen for one to take a nap. After her nap was done I got her up and within a few minutes I found Braxton laying in the playpen with his pillows and blankets pretending to take a nap. He thinks it is funny to take a nap. In fact although he doesn't actually sleep sometimes he'll tell me that he wants to take a nap. That most often means he wants to take a nap in my bed. In addition to his napping he thinks it is fun to get a bottle and pretend he is a baby. I guess it is just a new concept to him so it is fun.
While I often find life hard as I deal with the new found Independence of a 3-year-old I also find it a lot of fun. It is a joy and a privilege to watch him grow and develop. Another thing I almost neglected to share is his eagerness to learn his numbers and letters. Wherever we go out Braxton notices the environmental language all around us. He will tell me most often, "Look, mom, B-O-B-O." Sometimes he tells me those letters spell fishin and sometimes it spells dog. Currently he talks a lot about the number 26. I have no idea why, but it seems that is his favorite number to say. Whether numbers or letters I love watching him learn that those symbols mean something. I'm thankful for the experience of being the mother to this happy and bright little boy. I hope that he always knows how much I love him.
One of my favorite things that started a month or so ago when I make a phone call as soon as I get off the phone Braxton will say, "What say mom?" I'll tell him a quick version of the conversation and he just laughs as if to indicate that I am SO funny. I have been waiting for him to do start the "why" stage. He is constantly asking me why to everything I saw and do now. Sometimes it is funny, but often it is in protest to what I want him to do. Since this summer he's been saying the most heartfelt, "Whoo whoo." That one makes me so proud because I know he learned that from me since Kent isn't much for cheerleading. The catch phrase of his that I enjoy is when he says, "I wanna need..." He says this one when I ask him what he needs. Somehow he hasn't figured out how to drop the want to before he says he needs something. I think sometimes we as adults "wanna need" stuff too.
Braxton has gained a new love for tractors. In September Kent was down at his parents house and he and Braxton went out to help Uncle Travis haul some hay out of the field. Braxton jumped up on the tractor with Travis and enjoyed helping him drive. Ever since then Braxton has been in love with tractors. In fact one day he was playing with his tractor and he told a little story as he played. He said, "tractor, (bunch of words I didn't understand) and get the hay (then turned the tractors around) and the horses..." I hadn't been paying attention, but Kent realized that he was telling what they had done with Travis. Got the hay with the tractor and went to feed the horses. He even tells me that when Kent goes to work he rides the horses and gets hay for them. I hope if he ever find out what Kent really does that he isn't disappointed. ha ha ha. He's quite a cleaver kid. The other day I found him using the gathered edging on the towel as a track for the tractors. I would have never thought that those looked like tractor tracks if he hadn't figured that out.
Braxton is quite entertaining to watch movie with. He is very reactive to them. When we saw the movie "Up" he screamed at the bird who squawked at the characters. He yells at the bad guys and cheers when the hero wins. In fact sometimes he'll jump up and down on the couch with joy. Currently one of his favorite movies is Peter Pan, or as he calls it, "Pan." Whenever he sees Tinker Bell at the store he has to point her out to me. He seems to really enjoy the ladies. When the Prince dances with Cinderella Braxton becomes entranced. In fact one thing that makes me laugh is when he sees a doll or character in a dress he tells me, "mom, she dance." If it's not dancing he tells me they are going to church. He loves church and one of the reasons he loves church is he gets to see his best friend Baylee. He adores her. In fact the only way to get him to transition from the nursery to Primary today was to remind him that Baylee was there in Primary today too.
For those of you who are worried that I am raising a boy who thinks a little too much of romance I'd like to set your mind at ease. He makes sure that Kent and I don't have too much romance any chance he gets. If Kent and I hug or kiss in front of him he runs over to me, pushes me away, and states "No mommy, he's my dad." He thinks the world of his dad. When we told him before Christmas that if he wanted a cars toy he needed to ask Santa he said, "He no come to my house. My Kent get it." Apparently his daddy makes the world go round, and he couldn't choose a better role model.
The last two things I'd like to share about my funny 3 and a half-year-old is his new found love of fishing and "sleeping." Lately he is really into talking about "sissin" when he sees fish. When it comes to sleeping you should know that he hasn't had a regular nap schedule since he was about two years old. This is not because I stopped wanting him to have a nap. It is just because I gave up fighting him on it. That is why this next part is so funny. I watch two babies in the afternoon and one day I pulled out the playpen for one to take a nap. After her nap was done I got her up and within a few minutes I found Braxton laying in the playpen with his pillows and blankets pretending to take a nap. He thinks it is funny to take a nap. In fact although he doesn't actually sleep sometimes he'll tell me that he wants to take a nap. That most often means he wants to take a nap in my bed. In addition to his napping he thinks it is fun to get a bottle and pretend he is a baby. I guess it is just a new concept to him so it is fun.
While I often find life hard as I deal with the new found Independence of a 3-year-old I also find it a lot of fun. It is a joy and a privilege to watch him grow and develop. Another thing I almost neglected to share is his eagerness to learn his numbers and letters. Wherever we go out Braxton notices the environmental language all around us. He will tell me most often, "Look, mom, B-O-B-O." Sometimes he tells me those letters spell fishin and sometimes it spells dog. Currently he talks a lot about the number 26. I have no idea why, but it seems that is his favorite number to say. Whether numbers or letters I love watching him learn that those symbols mean something. I'm thankful for the experience of being the mother to this happy and bright little boy. I hope that he always knows how much I love him.
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