The Parent Lottery

"I WON the parent lottery. I was born with the winning ticket, a major reason I was able to live out my childhood dreams." I have been reading, "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch recently and I have learned a lot. As I read about "the parent lottery" I learned something very important and valuable. Life really is about our perspective. I find myself all too often wanting to have what others have and wishing that perhaps I had parents who lived closer or in-laws who took us on great vacations. The list can go on and on. As I read about Randy's life I realize that he truly is not that different from me, but then again because of his perspective he is.

I'll illustrate for you. In his book he states that all of his life his mom kept his "cockiness in check." She would describe him as "alert, but not terribly precocious." He contiued to point out times in his life where she would make sure to keep him humble. He gave many examples of his experiences, but the point is that from what I read he could have easily been a complainer. His relationship could have led him to think, 'wow my mom doesn't think much of me. I must not be too important to her.' He could have had feelings of never being enough for her, but he choose different. Instead he looked at the relationship as her keeping him grounded. He speaks of his mother as being a woman who taught him valuable lessons about himself and keeping him from having an overinflated ego.

I decided to take that perspective and learn. I have a choice. I can either see what my parents, in-laws, or family doesn't offer me or I can see how blessed I am by having them in my life. Here's a bit of reality for you all. You can't expect to change them by being irritated with their faults. However, if you focus on their strengths maybe you can learn to enjoy them just a little more. Wouldn't this whole world be much better if we all just enjoyed each other a little bit more?

So let me tell you about my parents using the parent lottery perspective. A lottery I have indeed won because I was raised by great parents. I would say as I look back at my life the most consistent lesson I have learned from them both is that of service for the Lord. They have both served in many church callings and if they complained about it I honestly don't recall. They have always done their best. Because of that example I am equally willing to do what my church leaders ask of me and have a deep rooted desire to serve the Lord.

My mom has taught me a great lesson of unselfish service. She has spent 35 years totally devoted to the tasks of being a mother. She has sacrificed so much to raise 6 children. She rarely has indulged in the luxuries that many mothers see as necessities. She could have gone to work and had the financial freedom to do as she pleased, but instead she opted to stay home and give her time to the monotonous life of a stay-at-home mother. That selfless sacrifice has shaped the goals and dreams that I have now. I often times speak of how she ruined me as a housekeeper because of her need to teach me to be thorough. When I think of tasks it isn't just get it done it's get it done right. Kent appreciates this lesson she taught me. He knows that if he wants it to be sparkling clean he asks me to do it because I will always do it more thoroughly than he can. My mom taught me great lessons on how to be a mother. Since I am one I use those lessons everyday.

Another lesson that I greatly value from my mother is that of friendship. She taught me through her ability to be friends with me as well as helping me learn to be a better friend to others. As a teenager I was very lucky to have her as a mom. There was not one topic that was inappropriate to discuss. If I was struggling to know what was acceptable dating practices or how I should behave in a certain situation I had full confidence that I could ask my mom and she would answer me without embarrassment or judgement. It meant a lot to me then and it still means a lot to me to know that I can freely speak with her. She has knowlegde of years of experience with making good choices. At 10 years old I had a fight with a good friend who brought a note I had written to my mom. She reminded me what a good friend this girl was and invited me to take a candy bar over to her house and appologize for the way I had behaved. I will never forget that she took the time to teach me how to be a friend and take responsibilities for my actions when I was wrong.

My dad had a way about him. When dad spoke you listened. It was more than once that I was threatened with a, "Do you want me to get my belt." These threatenings were never followed through because we knew if dad was threatening he meant business. Time has softened him. I doubt he even remembers that belts can be used that way. While parent these days wouldn't dream of such tactics for fear of the calls of child abuse I am thankful that my dad taught us to stay in line. I feel I am a better behaved adult because of his direction.

There were a few rules that were specific to my dad's teaching. The first rule was always wear good shoes when you ride a bike. It seems the first time I got away with breaking that rule I sliced a gash in the bottom of my foot. I don't think he knew about it because I was too embarrassed that I had broken the rule. While other kids rode bikes without shoes or while wearing flip flops we were kept safe. If helmets had been around we probably would have worn those too. He was a great protector.

The next two rules kept me safe in other ways. The second rule was that you never point a gun (or finger pretending it is a gun) at people. The idea is that if we never learn that guns are used to shoot people then the danger of a gun is greatly diminished. We become less dangerous to others and we realize that guns are powerful tools not to be played with. The last rule I remember is that I was not allow to pretend I was cool by smoking. As a young girl influenced by what I saw in movies I would take a cheeto and pretend to smoke it. My dad was quick to correct with even the idea of smoking being wrong. A smoker in his early life he was not going to have his kids struggle to give up such an unecessary and unhealthy habit.

The most valuable lesson my dad taught me is one that I hope to pass on to my children as well. My dad had seen so many women disrespect themselves and have poor self-esteem that he made a conscious effort to teach his daughters differently. He taught me that a woman is beautiful because she is a woman. It doesn't take fancy clothes, a great deal of make-up, and sex appeal to make a woman beautiful. It takes a woman who has confidence in herself. I have never felt that I couldn't walk out of my house and hold my head high because my hair and make-up weren't just right or on for that matter. Those things may add to your attractiveness, but they don't define you. I am a more confident woman because of that lesson.