Temple Marriage is not Necessarily Celestial Marriage

There's nothing in the world like a new vehicle. You bring it home and treat it like it was gold. Why not? It cost a lot to buy it. You wash it once a week at least. You make sure and change the oil every 3000 miles. You want to scream at anyone who gets within 10 feet of it because they may accidentally scratch it, and there is absolutely no eating in there. As time goes on the weekly washes turn to monthly. The oil changes stretch to 4500 miles. You start to ease up on people and the eating rule goes out the window. Amazingly we can't figure out why the value of a vehicle depreciates.

I think far too often marriage relationships are like that new car. You bring that spouse home and you experience "the newlywed" phase of life. This is where you do all the things you think you are suppose to do as a married person. You say sorry quickly. You make sure to go out and have fun together. You still may open the door for her and you still want to cook for him. I know every couples relationship is a little different, but all married couples go through that wonderful stage of life. After a few years the newness wears off. You stop being concerned about the other person and start worrying that marriage is not as easy as you had expected and you think that this is not what you signed up for. You have kids, school, and other interests that distance you and that distance begins to grow if you neglect the maintenance of that marriage. When these things happen the value of that marriage depreciates.

This post has been on my mind for a couple of weeks now. In a confused and angry moment a friend of mine questioned how important temple marriage was. The comment made was "I know so many people who are married in the temple and are in unhappy marriages. So what does it matter if I don't get married in the temple if I marry a person I love?" The anger of the moment made it hard to answer that question, but ever since I have thought about it and discussed it with my friend.

During the most recent conference in the talk by Russell M. Nelson he said, "I also assert the virtue of a temple marriage. It is the highest and most enduring type of marriage that our Creator can offer to His children." (Russell M. Nelson, “Celestial Marriage,” Liahona, Nov 2008, 92–95) Elder Dallin H. Oaks said, "A good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection." (Dallin H. Oaks, “Divorce,” Ensign, May 2007, 70–73)

Just about a year ago I fell prey to the temptation of selfishness that tries to destroy marriages. While it was just a little struggle I became so angry with Kent and his "lack of being the husband I thought he should be." In the last year I have grown so much in my love for Kent as I strive to let go of those expectations. I have learned so much about the importance of finding happiness within myself and not placing that expectation upon Kent to "make" me happy.

Elder Nelson says, "That proclamation on the family helps us realize that celestial marriage brings greater possibilities for happiness than does any other relationship." However, while that relationship does bring the greatest happiness it doesn't come freely and it isn't a crutch for us to use to blame our spouse for our own unhappiness. The family proclamation also reminds us that “husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other.” (Liahona, Oct. 2004, 49; Ensign, Nov. 1995, 102.) In my mind that means that if I am busy seeing what Kent is not doing for me then I am probably not looking to see what I CAN be doing for him. I am still allowed to ask him for the things I need, but I should be patient and understand that he too is learning how to be his best as my husband.

I appreciated this quote by Elder Nelson also, "Meanwhile, mortal misunderstandings can make mischief in a marriage. In fact, each marriage starts with two built-in handicaps. It involves two imperfect people. Happiness can come to them only through their earnest effort. Just as harmony comes from an orchestra only when its members make a concerted effort, so harmony in marriage also requires a concerted effort. That effort will succeed if each partner will minimize personal demands and maximize actions of loving selflessness...Harmony in marriage comes only when one esteems the welfare of his or her spouse among the highest of priorities. When that really happens, a celestial marriage becomes a reality, bringing great joy in this life and in the life to come."

The point is we may have that temple marriage, but it's what we do after that day that makes it a celestial marriage. Yes, many of us were married in the temple and all of us struggle in our marriages at times. But we are only unhappy if we chose to be. I say that in respect as I do know that many marriages are difficult and some are even physically, emotionally, and mentally unhealthy. These are not the marriages I am speaking of. It is those of us who have wonderful marriages that are depreciating in value because we are not caring for them properly. I pray that we will all take the time to evaluate our part in our marriages. Let's ask ourselves if we are doing all we can to give ourselves completely to our spouses and love them eternally. Then let's ask if we are too busy placing expectations on them to see what it is we truly have. We were all singles once and worked so hard to find and make this person ours. Are we working just as hard to keep them as our own? If not then we need to ask ourselves who we are allowing to guide our marriage...Satan or Christ?

Please feel free to share the ways that you maintain you own marriage.