I remember in high school and college often times being confused as to why men weren't beating down my door. Honestly, I looked in the mirror and saw a beautiful woman who was just as beautiful on the inside. I don't say this to be cocky or conceided. I say it because I have been blessed in my life to really truly like the person I am. I don't know a lot of girls who felt so good about themselves both inside and out...especially during those years. I do feel blessed though to have been able to like the person the person I was then.
For a long time I lost touch with that woman. Don't get me wrong. I always loved the beautiful me inside. I just wasn't so sure there was much beauty on the outside. I could blame this on pregnancy. I could blame it on ice cream (which honestly both are a little to blame), but I blame it on allowing myself to not be the best me I can be.
Most of you know about my successful weightloss of which I am very proud. It is amazing to me that I lost sight of how beautiful I really am. I have worked really hard in searching out who I want to become (even as a little girl) and I feel I am that woman. In the last five years I have learned so much about finding joy in my life. It has little to do with Kent. It has little to do with Braxton. It has little to do with any outside influences. It has everything to do with me.
As I have continued to think about where I am going and what I want to do with my life I have enjoyed the purposeful direction my life has taken. I love being a mom. I love taking time to play with my son and enjoy the life as a wife to Kent. To some I may not have the ideal life. They may be right. I chose to disagree. I can either focus on what I don't have or what I do. I can focus on what Kent and Braxton aren't and what they don't do or I can focus on who they are and what they do. I am thankful that I have learned to focus on the positive. I am thankful that I have come so far in recognizing my blessings so that I can enjoy this beautiful life. With that I leave you so I can go play with my beautiful son who is desiring some of my time...but not without a question to you. Do you really love you? Have you always loved you? I am interested to know.
1 comment:
Good for you! I must admit I have really struggled in this area especially after I have had kids. (Some of my close friends now what I am talking about) But I feel like a totally different person now than I was when I grew up. I am not just talking about the changes of being a mother, and raising kids, but deep internal issues that sadily I may never be the person I used to be. I do not want to accept that I may have a new "normal". I just want the old me back.
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