Do you know what you are having?

It's a funny thing when someone asks me "Do you know what you're having?" I'm a little unsure how to answer. Yes, medical technology & someone's best guess says we are having a boy. On the other hand our parental instincts had us convinced we were having a girl. Plus the many feelings over the years that we were supposed to have a girl. Not to mention my sister who was told she was having a son & got a daughter or my "daughter" who we found out at 36 weeks gestation was actually our oldest son.

You see these are the reasons I don't fully embrace the idea of another boy. So far my intuition has been 100% on target. Best medical guesses have been 50/50 in my experience. Would I like a girl? Yes, I would love one! Am I against having another boy? No! I love boys. They bring their own joys & challenges in this life. Plus I love the boys I have. Why wouldn't I be happy to have another? 

 

The hardest part is the confusion I have about the idea of having another boy. Before I became pregnant I had some special experiences that led me to believe that The Lord wanted to bless our family with a daughter. I have also had very strong personal feelings & desires that after this pregnancy I can be done with childbirth & begin a new chapter in my life within the next few years. If I am supposed to have a girl & this is not her then does that mean that I am not done with my child bearing years? Is there a daughter still waiting to join our family or were we wrong?

 

I will be 35 years old when this baby is born. We tend to have 4 years between our children. Does that mean our next child will have to wait until I'm nearly 40 years old? If so does The Lord not understand my feelings of wanting to be done with the baby stage? As I say there are quite a few factors that confuse me if this is a boy. 

If this baby is a girl then so much makes sense for me. I can be comfortable knowing my family is complete. If it's a girl then the feelings I've had my whole life of mothering a daughter where for a reason & not just a fantasy. I hear girls are difficult & very challenging, but I see a very different relationships between mothers and sons than the relationship between mothers and daughters as children grow up and create their own families. Sons don't usually grow up wanting to be like their moms. Sons get married to women who rightly become the main woman in their life while girls will often marry and their mother can still remain their best friend.

While I would love to have a daughter for me I would also like my husband to have a daughter and my sons to have a sister. I feel that deep down they also need another feminine influence in their life. Kent needs a little girl to wrap her daddy around her finger and my boys have really expressed a desire to have a sister. These are some of the reasons that this pregnancy has been a difficult one for me. I've come to the conclusion that if this baby is indeed a boy then I want that to be 100% confirmed to me when I have the opportunity to meet this child and not a moment sooner. For now I am happy with a 75% chance it's a boy and 25% change it MIGHT be a girl.

I don't know with 100% certainty what the Lord has in store for me. I think I know what he wants for us, but I am only human & I too make mistakes. Either way whether this baby is a boy or girl I know one thing. I know this baby was meant to be mine. I am supposed to be this child's mother. If I am supposed to be it's mother than that makes it ok. The Lord will help me mother this child just as he has the other two. I am thankful for that knowledge and boy or girl I am thankful to have this child bring more light and joy into our home.