This morning I took the dog for a walk while my youngest rode his bike and when I told Mr. Magoo (the little one) to peddle faster he said "I can't." He has obviously not learned the rule about the word "can't" in our home. In our house "can't" is a four letter word. We don't use it. It's not allowed. Now before you think that I am out of touch with realistic limitations I'd like to explain a little about where this rule came from.
As a little girl I am fairly certain that "I can't" was an overused phrase in my vocabulary. I imagine there were mornings where my mom would tell me I needed to get dressed and tearful sobs of "I can't" would rush from my mouth. Girls have a way of making things dramatic so I have learned. In grade school I was never confident in my athletic ability. To be honest I didn't start to believe I had any athletic ability until I was an overweight and unhappy mother of one. I made the decision that I could not hide from the photographs in my sons life just because I didn't like my size. That was when I decided to do something about it.
At the suggestion of my midwife to help me deal with post-partum depression I started out walking for 45-60 minutes a day. The more I walked the faster I became until I found I had to start running to push myself. After a time I became faster and faster and could run longer and longer. During that time the farthest I ran was about a 10K (6.2 miles). I knew I could go farther, but I never got around to it before I got pregnant again. I did get at least as fast as a 9 minute 15 second mile run. As I ran my high school P.E. teacher was in my head reminding me that I could do it. I would laugh as I thought about that young high school girl run/walking and complaining at the back of the class of side aches. Oh how Mr. Hilliard must have been rolling his eyes and shaking his head at my "can't" do attitude. That can't do attitude as a teenager became a can do attitude as a young mom and I was thankful for his patience with me when I was younger.
It was during this time of accomplishment that I realized that "I can't" is never an option. There are many different ways to rephrase "I can't" that are more truthful. Sometimes it's really, really hard...and that's ok. The reward is better if it's not so easy. Other times it's not that important to you and so you don't make it a priority. There are also years when there is more work and more pain than is worth the end result. I'll even let my kids say I don't want to. Also acceptable because it is taking ownership of why you are CHOOSING not to do something. "I can't" is a cop-out. It takes away your ability to choose. I can't, therefore, there is no reason for me to try.
Last year I embarked on a journey to really move my Discovery Toys business forward. I learned a lot. I still have roadblocks that I need to move in order to make my business what I set out for it to become last year. The great part about this kind of business is that it is your own. You can speed up your momentum or slow it down to maintain it. Truthfully this year I am barely maintaining it. I have struggled to recommit because I felt the pains of feeling unbalanced when fall came and while I know it was my choice I am now struggling to choose to work that hard again because I don't know how to slow the train down once it is rolling downhill and it is just easier not to push it up the hill in the first place. What I have learned about throwing out "I can't" is that it allows me to choose. Everything comes with a price. Right now I am choosing to focus my energies on family & friends and the work that I have here at home. The best lesson that I have learned through my efforts is that with persistence and hard work "I CAN!" I know and want my kids to know that we CAN do anything. We just have to decide to do it and then work hard! You CAN have anything you want if you are willing to do it...and that is why "can't" is a four letter word at our house.
